When I found the notebook I pulled it out, then held it tentatively for a moment or two. Finally I opened it and began to read."The f-first time I ever had an orgasm, I was ten," I read softly."Use one hand to lift your, ahh, skirt again," he scolded me. "And scoot your butt forward. That's a good girl. Now, ahh, keep reading."I was leaning back against the passenger side door, now, and holding my skirt up with my left hand. With the notebook clutched firmly in my right hand I continued to read."I was taking a shower," I said. "Lately I'd been rubbing my pussy a lot more than usual when I did that, but had never actually made myself cum. I didn't even know what an orgasm was. My dad has always hated talking to me about normal stuff, and he's never talked to me about sex stuff. When I had my first period he made me start shopping for the family and I was only ten! I remember going to him in tears because I was bleeding between my legs and all he did was get mad at me. He told me that. Depends on the DA and all. I'd pick up another one, if I was you, and get down to the range as soon as you can. Use up a box or two on targets."He looked closely at me as he said it, and I realized what he meant. Kay felt me start to shake, and hugged me closer as it finally hit me. Today I killed a man. The fact that he had been trying to kill me was suddenly not as much an issue as the fact that I had killed a man. Taken a life. Deprived a family of someone they in their own way, had loved.I never heard them come in, but Jake and Renee were suddenly there, both alarmed, hugging Laurel, and saying that they'd heard the news, figured it must have been us, and came right over. I heard Laurel say something to Jake, and then he was there beside my chair, with his hand on my shoulder, steadying me. "Just hold on to what you got, brother, this'll pass." I looked up at him, wondering what he knew about it, and he said, "Been there, done that. And it don't get easier just because you're in.
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